Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
