Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
