I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize