So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
