You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
