and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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