i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
