anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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