i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
