You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Randomize
