I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
