I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
