Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
