Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
