can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
