I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
