So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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