Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
