He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Randomize
