The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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