Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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