Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize