i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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