I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
