So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
