There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
