I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
