Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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