So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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