I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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