thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
