Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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