I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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