no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
