to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
