i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
