Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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