Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
