I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
