I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
