Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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