I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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