Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just high enough for therapy.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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