TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
