"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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