I am in a vortex of obligation.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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