And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
