Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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