if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
