i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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