Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
