He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize