I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
She said her name was "party"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
