Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
