I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
