On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
