Kiss
Puke
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
