a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
