we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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