I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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