dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
