I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
