im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
