i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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