man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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