2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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