Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
