so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
