Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
