i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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