You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
