Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
it's like iHOP with fire
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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