dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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