almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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