There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
nutella sex= disaster
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
