evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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