I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
