like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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