I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
