I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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