Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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