do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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