Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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