So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
