...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
