we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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