ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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