i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
