I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
