u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
