I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
