Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
