Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
