we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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