we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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